If silence means approval, then I need to say something.

I'm not going to go in-depth explaining the ongoing mess that is RaceFail '09 in this post, because other people have done so far better than I could: there's a comprehensive listing of links at rydra_wong's journal; and it's very worth a read. Basically, RaceFail has been an ongoing, repeatedly-derailed discussion about race issues in science fiction and the science fiction fan community, in which a large number of white authors, editors, and publishers behave very badly.

And I tried to stay out of it, or at least to stay neutral. I knew, liked, and respected people on both sides who were being attacked, or who were being angry and defensive and, to my view, badly behaved. When I believed I saw someone misrepresenting the facts or mischaracterizing a participant, I was unable to make myself stay out, and so I've commented repeatedly in defense of people on both sides of the debate. Even when I felt that someone's behavior was bad, I tried to understand their reactions and their feelings, and I reminded myself that anger and rudeness in no way invalidate someone's argument. I'm not the best or most conscientious debater, and I don't know if I deserve to be called a white ally or an anti-racist, although I try, but every time I saw a tone argument used to dismiss the concerns raised by a POC, it became easier and easier to sympathize with one side of the debate, and harder and harder to identify with the defensive white people.

And I got quieter. I'm in the process of shutting down this blog, after all, and I was afraid that whatever I said would come out wrong, that the new writing blog I'm starting would be colored by a mistake here. But I don't want to play at playground politics and worry about who will like me for speaking my mind, and I keep seeing, on post after post, that one of the things that is hurting most is the silence of sci-fi fandom, the lack of outcry at the racism, the insensitivity, and the arrogant exercise of white privilege. I'm guilty as charged, and I'm sorry.

I do not approve of authors, editors, and the like being insular and self-congratulatory about their behavior when people tell them there's still a problem. I do not approve of the discussion being derailed again and again for the sake of some white person's hurt feelings. I emphatically do not approve of any attempts to sabotage or silence further discussion, and I do not approve of outing pseudonymous posters and pretending that doing so is a commitment to justice.

If I have helped the people who did these things, I am sorry. It's a very goddamned late point for me to get off the fence and say that, unequivocally, I am committed to any group discussion and action that dissects privilege and works against racism in the science fiction community (or ANY community). I will try to make my new journal a safe and equitable space for everyone, and hope to be called out if I fail. I recognize that it is no-one's else's job to educate me on the subject of racism, but I promise that if someone does criticize me for racist behavior, I will not let anyone else defend me, and I will never dismiss the concerns raised.

I haven't done so well lately. I will try to do better.

ETA: I appreciate the kind words people have been saying in the comment threads, but it feels as though it would be self-congratulatory of me to respond, and that's kind of the opposite of what I was going for here. But it also feels rude to say nothing, so: hi! I'm glad to meet you all.