matt_doyle

So I went to Target today to buy some new clothes- new khakis, maybe some shorts, a pair of swim trunks, maybe a shirt.

I decided against the shorts almost right away- I didn't like any of the styles they had. Found a pair of swim trunks- on clearance, medium-sized because I'm more or less a medium-sized guy, some khakis- there was a sale on flat-front khakis which I thought could save me a tidy bit- and a pink shirt, also on clearance, just because I thought it would be amusing to have a pink shirt.

Cut to dressing room. The swim trunks literally did not make it above my knees- and okay, I may have some moderate ghetto booty going on, but I don't have fat legs. Clearly their idea of medium is unusual. The khakis... the waistline was right, the length was right, but I, er, do not have a flat front. No, I am not referring to my stomach. Certain characteristics of mine were uncomfortably strained and very obviously on display in these pants. The shirt... had fabric so thin that you could see not only my nipples but the hair on my chest through the shirt- and I'm not a hairy guy.

I decided against them.

I managed to find a larger pair of trunks and two more pairs of khakis- not flat-fronted, to my great relief- and my shopping trip turned out very well, I think.

Still, there was a moment in that dressing room where I cannot describe my emotional state.