The most important thing I'm going to read today.

[matt_doyle]

On rape and men.

In summary, this post talks about the responsibility of decent men to combat rape culture actively. Not raping, assaulting, harassing or disrespecting women is an obvious and necessary first step, but it's not enough. It should also be incumbent upon everyone to speak up and stop harassment, disrespect, and assault when we see them, to make it clear that such behavior, even in conversation (rape jokes, complaining about a woman who "won't put out" is flat-out unacceptable. It's been shown in study after study that men don't take what women say as seriously as they'll take the same statements from men. And in any case, women most certainly shouldn't have to deal with misogynist bullshit alone.

Definitely my recommended reading for the day.

Comments

[handgun.livejournal.com]

I'll call you at some point. Anything to do with relationships, including people who are happily in them, is something I need to avoid right now. I know that's not fair to you, but it's true. :/

[matt_doyle]

I can completely understand that. Take the time and space that you need; just remember that I care about you and would like to hear from you when it is manageable for you.

[handgun.livejournal.com]

We slept together again yesterday -_- He came over to DND, we both ended up laying on the bed, he snuggled up to me, kissed me. I told him we couldn't, it wouldn't be about sex for me, and he said me either, he wanted to make out just to make out and then my arm was twisted -_- we cuddled for like 30 minutes afterward, too. WE NEVER CUDDLE. Then we went and took a shower together, and he kept kissing me in the shower, saying things like "I wish so bad that I could just say 'forget this' and get back together" and "I think hanging out between us now is 60% cool, 40% lying to ourselves." I told him he had to stop kissing me because I couldn't take the aftermath, knowing that every day he makes an active decision to not be with me, and that the kissing means nothing afterward.

I just wish I had another opportunity out there. Some sort of potential to help me move on and to help him realize / get over me.

[matt_doyle]

Why CAN'T you guys get back together, if both of you so clearly want it? I mean, I know there were problems with things the way they were, but there are problems with the way they are now, too.

[handgun.livejournal.com]

Because he wants to not be tied down. Because he wants to see what else is out there; to see if I really am the one for him. He wants to get that life experience by dating other women.

Meanwhile, I'm being crushed under the weight of it all. It's been four months.

[matt_doyle]

I suppose punching him in the head until he realizes he's being dumb isn't an option. I mean, seriously, if you have a gourmet chef, you don't go looking at fast food. If you live in a mansion, you don't go house shopping at a trailer park. When he had something good with you, giving it up to see what else was out there was just... aargh. On the other hand, if he really doesn't get that... also aaaargh.

*hugs* You can't let him have the best of both worlds, though. If he's missing being with you, he should actually be missing it.

[handgun.livejournal.com]

I have a potential date lined up, we'll see how he reacts.

You always make me feel better. I love you. <33

[matt_doyle]

Good. And good. And I love you, which I'm pretty sure you already know, but it can't hurt to remind you of, :-P.

[handgun.livejournal.com]

it's nice to hear; i never get it anymore.

[matt_doyle]

Well, I'll say it more often then. Despite how seldom we talk you are still one of the people I think of most, and who is most important to me.

[handgun.livejournal.com]

unless he thought I was fast food. Sigh.

[matt_doyle]

Kicking him in the balls for being dumb remains an option, in that case. Just sayin'.

[lyraeinne.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for linking to that post. It's sad that it needs to be said, but it can't be said enough.

[matt_doyle]

Yeah. I mean, I try to be That Guy, as the post calls it, but the comments showed me several ways in which I still have things to work on -- and there are a lot of guys out there who aren't trying at all.

[ap-aelfwine.livejournal.com]

Thank you for linking this. It can't be said enough.

[sunnyskywalker]

I read an interview with author Laurie Halse Anderson that just came out. One of the questions asks how boys have reacted to her book Speak, which deals with date rape. She says,

"So many boys have said to me over the years, “I didn’t know that that would upset a girl so much. I had no idea.” We can be horrified by that, or we can try to hold our judgment at bay and understand where it’s coming from. It’s because boys are inundated with very explicit sexuality in the media and they don’t have enough trusted, loving adults in their lives to explain the emotional side of human sexuality and the consequences of some of these actions."

I think we can be horrified at how warped the messages these boys are getting are! You know rape culture is pervasive when it just never occurs to someone that hey, maybe this would upset someone. But on the bright side, I think the fact that so many boys responded to the book and realized maybe it was a big deal after all is encouraging - it shows that the culture can be changed.