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Meditations.
Jan. 26th, 2010 12:33 pmThis weekend I wrote another 3250 words of The Hellion Prince, which means I'm caught up on my writing goals so far. Finished both the prologue and Chapters Five and Six... and so of course now I have even more typing and editing to do, and given my general state of unfocused meandering, I can't say when they'll be posted for certain.
The pharmaceutical study I was in, both this weekend and last weekend, was where I got all that writing done - 3000+ words in a single day each time, a staggering amount for a guy who feels lucky to get a page on a normal day and three pages on a good one. As I mentioned, I'm unfocused, unmotivated, no matter how hard I try otherwise...
This study was for an ADHD medication. About an hour or two after I took it, I started writing, and didn't stop for a solid five hours before I needed my first break. It felt... miraculous, to be able to hone my concentration, ignore distractions, be patient, and just... work. When I was thirteen or fourteen I was screened for ADD, but was told my symptoms - and I had all the classical signs of being an ADD kid - were instead due to depression. True enough, I was depressed as Hell at the time - but it's been years since I've been depressed in any way, and the symptoms, the habits, whatever - persist.
As soon as I have health insurance, I want a second opinion. Because it never occurred to me that my problem was anything but either plain laziness - my father assured me almost daily for two decades that I was lazy, after all - or lingering neurosis, thanks to growing up with my father. I know that I shouldn't be pinning my hopes on a behavioral problem being chemically correctable, especially long before I have any diagnosis, but...
I can't describe to you how I felt on Saturday. The clouds parted. I woke up. I have a suspicion that alcoholics and addicts might feel that way when they discover their substance of choice, but at the moment I can't really be sure if this is a genuine revelation or merely the aftereffects of a really good buzz.
Still. 3000 words in a single day.
The pharmaceutical study I was in, both this weekend and last weekend, was where I got all that writing done - 3000+ words in a single day each time, a staggering amount for a guy who feels lucky to get a page on a normal day and three pages on a good one. As I mentioned, I'm unfocused, unmotivated, no matter how hard I try otherwise...
This study was for an ADHD medication. About an hour or two after I took it, I started writing, and didn't stop for a solid five hours before I needed my first break. It felt... miraculous, to be able to hone my concentration, ignore distractions, be patient, and just... work. When I was thirteen or fourteen I was screened for ADD, but was told my symptoms - and I had all the classical signs of being an ADD kid - were instead due to depression. True enough, I was depressed as Hell at the time - but it's been years since I've been depressed in any way, and the symptoms, the habits, whatever - persist.
As soon as I have health insurance, I want a second opinion. Because it never occurred to me that my problem was anything but either plain laziness - my father assured me almost daily for two decades that I was lazy, after all - or lingering neurosis, thanks to growing up with my father. I know that I shouldn't be pinning my hopes on a behavioral problem being chemically correctable, especially long before I have any diagnosis, but...
I can't describe to you how I felt on Saturday. The clouds parted. I woke up. I have a suspicion that alcoholics and addicts might feel that way when they discover their substance of choice, but at the moment I can't really be sure if this is a genuine revelation or merely the aftereffects of a really good buzz.
Still. 3000 words in a single day.
