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lurk scowl skulk grumble.
Oct. 14th, 2010 02:48 pmGenerally speaking, I am a brightly optimistic extrovert for about eighty-nine out of every ninety days, and a caustic hysterical misanthrope living under a thundercloud for the remaining day. That's just how my biorhythms roll, I guess -- every so often I am deeply and irrationally upset, totally antisocial and introspective, and generally miserable to be around; but it seldom lasts more than thirty-six hours or so, and only comes around once a season.
Unfortunately, my latest cyclical low point came on about a week and a half ago, when I was hosting an old friend as a guest. I heroically fought my negative inclinations so that I would still be good company, and I succeeded, except... since then I have been cross, lethargic, and generally stuck in a rut. It's very mild, compared to my usual black mood, but the introversion and sense of malaise are persisting rather than going away. If I have been withdrawn, unresponsive, or terse in the last week or so, that's why, and I apologize.
The problem is... I was born and raised an introvert. My whole childhood, my whole teenagerdom, I was a loner very self-contained, very inside my head. I had friends (who I would not have survived sanely without), but generally I was content to bask in their presence without a lot of troublesome interaction. In college, I rebuilt my identity, and one of the lies I told about myself, so persistent that it became true, is that I was talkative, extroverted, social. One of the distinctions made between introverts and extroverts is that introverts draw their energy from being alone, extroverts draw theirs from company. I am, truly, an extrovert... except for that one low-cycle day (or in this case, week+). I think that one blah day is in some way necessary as a refueling stop for my brain, and as a result... my batteries have not recharged.
Hopefully I will have one gloriously shitty day upcoming sometime soon where I cry unprovoked, rant hatefully at the people I love, stalk in high dudgeon from room to room, closet myself in isolated corners, and emerge the next morning phoenix-like and radiant, my tired plumage brilliant and fiery once more.
My brain is weird and I seriously dislike many aspects of it.
Unfortunately, my latest cyclical low point came on about a week and a half ago, when I was hosting an old friend as a guest. I heroically fought my negative inclinations so that I would still be good company, and I succeeded, except... since then I have been cross, lethargic, and generally stuck in a rut. It's very mild, compared to my usual black mood, but the introversion and sense of malaise are persisting rather than going away. If I have been withdrawn, unresponsive, or terse in the last week or so, that's why, and I apologize.
The problem is... I was born and raised an introvert. My whole childhood, my whole teenagerdom, I was a loner very self-contained, very inside my head. I had friends (who I would not have survived sanely without), but generally I was content to bask in their presence without a lot of troublesome interaction. In college, I rebuilt my identity, and one of the lies I told about myself, so persistent that it became true, is that I was talkative, extroverted, social. One of the distinctions made between introverts and extroverts is that introverts draw their energy from being alone, extroverts draw theirs from company. I am, truly, an extrovert... except for that one low-cycle day (or in this case, week+). I think that one blah day is in some way necessary as a refueling stop for my brain, and as a result... my batteries have not recharged.
Hopefully I will have one gloriously shitty day upcoming sometime soon where I cry unprovoked, rant hatefully at the people I love, stalk in high dudgeon from room to room, closet myself in isolated corners, and emerge the next morning phoenix-like and radiant, my tired plumage brilliant and fiery once more.
My brain is weird and I seriously dislike many aspects of it.
